i don’t remember this episode of that’s so raven
“I danced from the age of three. I was always in amateur dramatics and I did a lot of public speaking. So when I told my family I was going to be an actress…well it was like when your camp best friend tells you he’s gay and you’re trying really hard to look surprised. Even so, it was one of the worst years of my life. I was an Usher at ‘The Lion King’. I was an office temp – the epitome of spiritual bankruptcy – and even a cocktail waitress…sorry, a mixologist. I can still free-pour a double vodka.”
the thing is though everytime a girl compliments me on a dress/skirt with pockets and I declare THANKS IT HAS POCKETS her response completely changes from “oh that’s nice” to “FUCK ME BACKWARDS ARE YOU FOR REAL SHOW ME SHOW ME THE POCKETS”
THIS IS BECAUSE NO WOMEN’S CLOTHING HAS POCKETS. POCKETS ARE EXCITING. DO NOT CRITICISE MY EXCITEMENT OVER THE POCKETS.
a real job? you mean, like, an internship at the white house?
okay, well what about the national democratic party?
what about interning at the united nations?
wow damn it’s almost like our economy functions on stealing labour from hardworking young people, regardless of whether their jobs are “real” or not
the fact that there are animals who can see colors that i cant which means that there are colors that exist that it is literally impossible for me to envision is such fucking bullshit that i wanna rip open a couch and eat it
Humans have 3 types of rods for processing color (red green and blue). Mantis Shrimp have 16.
Fucking shrimp. I will NOT be jealous of food.
I have this problem where ‘the other day’ for me ranges from yesterday to around 5 years ago
and ‘a friend of mine’ is literally anybody i’ve ever heard of who’s opinion i like
My favorite poem in Bo Burnham’s book “Egghead”